Like I mentioned I was asked the other day what was appropriate to say and what wasn't appropriate to tell your spouse while they are away.... I think what works best here is to always look with in your own relationship and figure that out. This certainly is not something that fits the same way for everyone. In my relationship my husband wants to know everything. When I neglect or choose not to tell him things he feels neglected and un needed, even though he understands I maybe doing this to protect him.
Here is my guide line for us:
Big important bad news: Like a death, illness or some other sort of news that could greatly effect his state of mind or well being- With a death or an illness I always let the rear d, command or FRG leader know first that way I can insure SOMEONE can be with my husband in this hard time. In my case I know that any of those chains can get a message down range and someone there can be advised on whats going on and then ask my husband to call me so I can tell him. Generally this works out however use common since big important bad news is not the dog died, lil one broke his arm, the bank account is messed up ect.
I never ever ever keep news like this from my husband because it would hurt him so much more to come home and find out he hadn't been told. Is it rough for him there YES is it an impossible feeling for him to process there YES will it ever make you feel like a better person because you ruined his day NO but it is what needs to be done so I do it. In this case I also let people that are involved know to PLEASE not post it to Facebook until they know he knows. There is nothing worse then finding out bad news while deployed EXCEPT FOR FINDING IT OUT FROM SOMEONE ELSE ON FACEBOOK!
Stress causing news: This for us includes things like broken arms, the flu, check engine light, computer broke, bank account messed up, seizures (my son has epilepsy) ect. In this case if there is the time to tell him then I will. I really try to make sure he is up to speed because he is still very much apart of our lives. These are all things that I can take care of myself though and I try to make sure they are taken care of. I am not useless or stupid and neither are any of you. Which means sure your husband may normally take care of such things but the best reward is to be able to tell him "so the check engine light came on today...bummer right well I already had it checked out and everything will be fine".
The best thing I find with these types of issues are to present the problem and already have a plan of action ready to share with him. These little things could stress a guy out and I know that is the worry but it makes him feel a million times better knowing that you are capable and willing to fix the problem yourself. Going in to the convo with a possible solution to the problem calms him down before he gets upset about it and then you are able to talk about the problem in a more successful manner.
All other thing: I find myself un able to understand why people wouldn't share these types of things. Does it really matter that it snowed ten feet? Are you really worried about telling him that your library book was late?
OVER ALL just make sure that you aren't leaving him out of the loop. If he would know here then tell him. Again make sure you do what is right for you and your spouse. Clearly if it stresses him out to know you burnt dinner don't tell em... Mine would laugh so I tell him.
1 comment:
I'm like you, I believe that you should keep them in the loop about what is going on. Mainly because they still need to feel needed and to feel that they are still apart of the family. They like to know that they can help out, even from Afghanistan, even if it's just being there to listen to you. I've found that the more you try to "protect" them, the more upset they get because you didn't tell them.
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