Birthday Blues

Kids are resilient in general....Military kids take the freaken cake and eat it too! Momma not so much. Today was bitter sweet. My lils birthday was today. He was so incredibly excited this morning and opened his presents. We made a video for dado, and played and were having a pretty decent time then it hits "I miss dado, I wish he was here" Its sad. But they bounce back right away and continue the day like they know its okay too. Me on the other hand I was sad. It hurts to see the confused pain on his little face, it is hard to try to smile enough for the both of us. What got me today though was that I knew my love wanted to talk to Lil but he couldn't. Bad internet, "black out" for some reasons (OPSEC see its everywhere), wind storm ect if its out there it was against us. We were able to hear Dados voice long enough to hear a happy birthday and thats cool buddy... It meant the world to my Lil, it couldn't have gone better for him. For me not so much. I know how sad and defeated my love felt, I feel it too. I can imagine him leaning back in his chair saying damn it, how he closes his eyes really slowly when something is wrong. Of course all of this makes me miss him EVEN more. Makes me sad to know that I can't blunt the feelings on this one. Makes me dig deep knowing this is only one of many holidays this year that we will be feeling like this. Now that the day is over though and the processing has begun I try to remember the happy moments we shared today and the pictures we will be able to share with dado and how I will be able to hear lils excited voice while he re plays what he remembers from the day for Dado. Holidays they can be a bitch but know the end of the day is coming, remember the good things and prepare for the said because it will be there. Let the whole be there... Don't try to fill it. You can't. Nothing but your love can. Do the best that you can with what you have. Thats all you can do.