Bad news...

This week has been the worst week for me in a long time. The hits just keep on coming. All I want is to curl up in my loves arms and cry.

Back story- I have a grandfather who has been a part of my life since I can remember. He was the reason for so many choices in my life. He is who I hope to someday be knowing I will fall completely short. There is no comparison. He has been there so many times to save me from my short comings. He braced our whole family when we lost our mother and was willing to give us everything to ease our suffering. He is completely self-less and the one man I know that would never forget my birthday. I received notice today that he isn't doing well. That his time is short. That he was telling me good-bye. I don't know how to live with out him. Im lost that I can't go to him because of the people I am charged to take care for here. That I can't be there to hold the hand of a man that gave me everything he ever was.

A day or so before this I received word that a man who had a hand in shaping my marriage, who was there for the majority of my teenage years has fallen ill with a mass amount of cancer. My best friend in high school lived with her grandparents. This man is her Papa. This man was all of our Papa. I have so many found memories of him and his wife, Nana. I haven't seen him in many years. When I read the news my heart clenched and my eyes welled. Why do such great people suffer? I felt ashamed that I never told him how I felt about him, how his life has meaning- if for no one else but for me his life has meaning. I never said how thankful I am for the strength his loving embrace brought me. How much strength his love for his family brought me, how through his actions I learned caring with out bounds. I don't know how much time Papa has left but if something did happen I know this world would be short...

They just don't make people like these two anymore.

So the question is what do you do when you are left alone to deal with the tragedies that occur when your loved one is away? How do you cope when the one thing that would make you feel better is your face huddled down in the chest of your husband, his hand on your head, and his voice telling you to let it out every things going to be okay. I could almost see how this would go...Id cry, he would know it was serious because I don't cry, he would say it will be okay, I would say IT IS NOT HOW DO YOU KNOW and he would say.... Do you know who I am? lol Its an inside joke lol. You would have to know him to get it. In any case what do you do? Where do you turn for the solace only he could provide? Obviously I take to writing blogs poorly, staying up to late and being grumpy... Good luck- all my words of wisdom are failing me at the moment.